While I hope this letter can be an outreach to women still enslaved by feminist ideology, probably not a lot of feminists read my blog. However, I do believe it can be helpful to Christian women as well, to hear how someone who formerly had sworn off having children for the sake of the pursuit of a career, is now finding deep fulfillment as a stay-at-home mom. 

People have a tendency to think that women who choose to stay home with their children do so because they are naturally so inclined. Or, worse, because they lack the imagination or motivation to pursue anything else in life. My life is but one example demonstrating that this is a patently false stereotype.

Count It All As Rubbish

Without going into my life story in too great of detail, let me give at least enough background to set the stage for the transformation that the Lord has wrought in me.

And, at the risk of coming across as arrogant and pretentious, I will, like Paul, set forth my earthly credentials as a means of establishing my credibility before the court of popular opinion, and then will count it all as loss for the sake of Christ.

My Credentials

I was a straight-A student all through school. I grew up in a rural farming community, but for sophomore through senior year of high school, I went to a boarding school, which was one of the top ten college-prep schools in the Chicago area. It also leaned extremely liberal, and I was exposed to lots of new and exciting ideologies there. Although I had already received many feminist ideas via osmosis from the culture (as every modern American does), during these years at boarding school they really became set in my mind.

Somewhere in the midst of those years, I determined that I would never have children. I couldn’t have articulated it this way, but I knew it was because I was too selfish. I didn’t want the physical toll on my body, the emotional toll of caring for other human beings, or the logistical strain weighing on my own plans for my life. I had no interest in getting married, but was certain if I did, that I would be the one running the show.

Even at one of the most rigorous high schools in the state, and possibly in the country, I found that I was quite successful. This fueled my ego and my ambition, so that the focus of my life became my future career. Everything I did was driven by my motivation to make a name for myself and be successful in the eyes of the world. I knew what a great story it would make: “Small Town Farm Girl Climbs Ladder of Success”.

And things continued to go quite well. As a senior, I took three AP tests, without ever having taken an AP course, and received the highest score possible on each test. I got early admission into my first choice college, an Ivy League institution. Once at college, I maintained straight A’s while also working up to 20 hours a week on the side. Although I ultimately transferred to a different college, I finished college in three years and graduated summa cum laude with a degree in Fish, Wildlife and Conservation Biology. I had multiple offers from professors to pay me to go to grad school.

Thus, I was poised to launch out into the world and begin what was sure to be a wildly successful career in wildlife biology.

The Lord’s Kindness

But, also during those college years, the Lord, in His inscrutable kindness, saved me. Me – a hard-hearted, rebellious, hateful, proud, unbelievably self-centered and religiously confused wretch of a young adult. He turned my world upside down, and I thank Him every day for it.

In a nutshell, the Lord broke through my confusion and showed me that because He had created me, He is worthy of my devotion. All of it. He is God, and I needed to live accordingly. And because God, in the person of Jesus, died on the cross, I could repent and trust in Him, and He would forgive all my sin. Not only that, but God, in the person and power of the Holy Spirit, would change the affections of my heart to want to serve Him, and enable me to love and obey Him.

And He has never disappointed.

Working With the Lord’s Design

When the Lord saved me, He heaped additional blessing on me by surrounding me with faithful Christian women. They challenged my worldly beliefs and values, and exhorted me to live by the Bible alone. It was uncomfortable, and I know I did not respond well initially. But I also knew they were right, and I submitted myself to the scripture and determined to learn what it taught about all areas of life.

The Bible is crystal clear about God’s creational roles and purposes for men and women (see Genesis 1-3, Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, 1 Timothy 2, and Titus 2 for starters). In addition to the many passages where gender is addressed explicitly, the doctrine of gender is woven throughout the text of scripture from front to back.

I couldn’t escape it. And one by one, my feminist notions were toppled.

Over time the Lord has opened my eyes more and more. All the things that are done in the name of “liberating” and “empowering” women in our culture, simply serve to degrade and destroy women, leaving them ever more vulnerable. And not only vulnerable, but extremely depressed and unhappy with the way things are going. (The book Eve in Exile gives a more thorough treatment of this subject – read my review of that book here.) What they really mean is that they want to “liberate” women from God’s good boundaries and “empower” them to do things that God has not authorized them to do.

So here is the gist of what I learned: trying to live outside of the God-given structures and boundaries for your life will always be a frustrating and painful experience.

Moreover, what are we saying about the Lord, when we think there is a deficiency in how He created us, and what He created us for?

Feminism Attacks Femininity

Every tenet of feminist ideology is a rebellion against some aspect of the feminine nature that God gave women at creation. But these things cannot be undone; we cannot escape the fact that we are God’s creatures living in God’s universe. Feminists are fighting an impossible battle, and it is no wonder that they are an angry, striving, unsettled lot. Most of them will tell you otherwise, and many may look like they have it together. So did I. But I can assure you, believing and living out those ideologies gave me no peace, no hope, no joy. Just depression and constant strife.

What are those aspects of God’s design that feminism rages against?

Marriage

Marriage was the first institution established by God, and is foundational to all societies. Marriage by definition is the lifelong union of one man and one woman. Thus you can immediately see an inherent structure to marriage: the man has a role to fulfill, and the woman has a role to fulfill. Those roles are fleshed out for us in the Bible. But feminism rejects all of this by devaluing marriage in favor of promiscuity, and where marriage does exist, by flipping the roles of husband and wife on their heads.

Fertility

Feminists hate that fertility is a natural aspect of womanhood. They seek to destroy it on every front. First, by trying to separate sex from reproduction, which involves all manner of barbaric practices, including abortion. Secondly, by creating a culture of shame toward women who rejoice in their fertility, love being a mother, and seek to have a large family. 

The Home

The Bible indicates that the keeping of the home is primarily the woman’s role. And if we ignore the culture for a moment and just look at reality, we can see that women are naturally drawn to this role. Who is more likely to be bothered by a messy pile of clothes on the floor? Who notices first when the shower starts to look a little grimy? Who would be more bothered by a steady diet of boxed mac and cheese and peanut butter sandwiches? Who is the one who sees an empty wall and is motivated to find something homey and cozy to hang up there? Now obviously there are exceptions to each of these examples, and men and women exhibit ranges of personalities. Plus, all of our personalities are affected by sin and the influences in our lives. But the general trends and tendencies are quite obvious.

Rest for Your Soul

At the same time that they systematically attack every aspect of womanhood, feminists also shame women who rejoice in their God-given role. This further highlights the fact that feminists are not pro-woman, as they steamroll any woman who does not subscribe to their ideologies. To truly support and empower women would be to help them to flourish in their God-given role and purpose. To help them to thrive as a woman, rather than telling them they need to be more like men. Feminists try to tell us that the road to happiness is forged by rebellion, discontent, and selfish ambition. But true happiness, and rest for the soul, can only be found when our identity is found in the Lord.

Sincerely,

A Former Feminist