This post is for all the women I’ve talked to who, when they hear that I stay home with our boys, sigh and say, “I wish I could do that.” And for all the women I haven’t talked to who sigh and say the same thing in their heart.

Be forewarned, though, that I am passionate about this topic, and things are about to get a little spicy. 🔥

I will start out with some general principles, and then get into the specific, practical ways of how to live on one income, to make staying at home to raise your children feasible.

How do my husband and I afford to live on one income, in an area with a relatively high cost of living? I can tell you, it’s not because he makes six figures. Not even close. In fact, we are considered well below the poverty line by most standards. And yet, we live very comfortably.

The answer to how to live on one income boils down to priorities.

Most women think, “I could never afford to quit my job and stay at home,” because at their current level of spending, they couldn’t. The bottom line is that it’s the level of spending that needs to change. Even before we had children, my husband and I were absolutely committed to having me stay home to raise them. That means that everything else, including our budget, had to fall in line with that commitment. 

Our culture has it so backwards when it comes to family, priorities, and child rearing. Your children are the most valuable and important thing the Lord will ever place in your care. Our lifestyle and the choices we make should reflect that reality. I don’t have the space in this blog post to expound on the Biblical principles underlying the duties of parents, but read Deuteronomy 6 and you will have the gist of it. Another good resource for thinking about the God-given role of women is Eve in Exile, by Rebekah Merkle. You can read my review of that book here.

Ask Yourself the Hard Questions

I firmly believe that every family, in which the husband works hard at a steady, decent job, can afford to live on one income. 

You have to be willing to rethink your lifestyle, and forsake whatever doesn’t fit. Forget about what you think you “need”, the level of comfort and convenience you are used to, what you see on social media, all of it.  We are constantly barraged with images of other people’s lives, which often look appealing, and so our own standards subconsciously (or consciously) rise to meet what we see. Plus, we live in an economy where there are a million different ways to blow your finances on non-essentials (ie., subscription services, fancy coffees, fast food, etc.) without ever even realizing how quickly the money is flying out of your bank account.

Your priorities will drive your spending habits. You think you need a certain style of clothes, or a certain type of vacation, or the newest phone. Then those things become the governing factor of your budget, rather than the bigger-picture priorities of life.

In our culture, we also generally have the mindset of living by a monthly-payment mentality. By this I mean that once a person knows what their monthly income is, they then make commitments to monthly payments that rise to meet that income. This way of thinking sounds like, “If I make ____ amount of money, then I can afford ___ mortgage payment, ___ car payment, ___ credit card payment…” and keep filling in the blanks until they equal (or exceed) the monthly income. Then, that person is trapped in those commitments and must keep running on that treadmill to maintain their lifestyle.

And once you have that lifestyle, those expenses are taken as a given, and you wind up thinking that you could never afford to live on a lower income. But if you strip away all the clutter, you’ll find that what you actually need to live on is shockingly low.

So here’s the hard question. Look at every monthly expense (or category of expenses) you have, and ask yourself, “Is this (fancy house, nice car, coffee habit, subscription…) more important than my children?”

In the next section I detail some of the specific choices we have had to make.

Things We Don’t Do

Here are some key things that we as a family do not spend our money on (or limit our spending on), in the interest of staying within our budget:

• We do not pay for any monthly subscriptions. No streaming accounts, no Amazon Prime, no music accounts. Monthly services are so popular right now, and they can quickly and quietly eat up your finances. And don’t believe the ones that claim to save you money in the long run (ie., Prime, Walmart+, Bed Bath & Beyond+, or any other +). If they weren’t making money off of you, they wouldn’t be offering these services. Most of these memberships just encourage you to buy more things that you don’t need. Or the main benefit they offer is “free” two day shipping, which obviously isn’t free if you’re paying them monthly.
• No fancy vacations. There are plenty of ways to get out and find adventure or explore new places without dropping tons of cash.
• We rarely eat out. This includes coffee and other convenience or grab-and-go foods. The markups on these things are astronomical.
• We generally don’t pay people to do things for us that we can do ourselves. No lawn service, no housekeeper, etc. This includes haircuts. I recently did a quick calculation and found that doing our own haircuts saves us a shocking $740 a year!

Now, there are exceptions to every rule. But the key to cutting back spending is to change habits; those regular (daily, weekly, monthly) purchases and expenses are what add up and make it seem like your finances are too tight.

We often say no to things that our friends or family are doing that simply cost too much money. I’ll admit this can be hard, but at the end of the day, not sending my kids to be raised by strangers for 40 hours a week is worth it.

Let me also say, all this doesn’t mean we have no fun and just sit around staring at each other all the time. We have grand adventures with our kids and thoroughly enjoy this beautiful life the Lord has blessed us with. We treat ourselves and splurge occasionally. But it does mean that we are more thoughtful about the things we do and about finding budget-friendly activities.

Bottom line: There are a million ways to waste your money, but your children are more important than any of your spending habits.

Multiply Your Money

One thing I think most women don’t realize is that staying home actually allows you to multiply your time and money in ways not possible while working full time. 

For example, whatever your current grocery budget is, you likely will be able to cut it in half. Being at home gives you the flexibility to spend time looking at grocery sale ads, planning your meals, putting together your list, and then shopping around to get the best deals. For more specifics, check out my series on grocery shopping and my meal planning method.

On top of this, you won’t have to rely so heavily on convenience foods and/or takeout, because, again, you will have more flexibility to plan and make meals. (And trust me, I’m not saying every SAHM should be a gourmet cook – check out my ten favorite one pot meals, that save time and money!).

And this applies to far more than just groceries. The same goes for household items (like paper towels, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc.), toiletries, diapers, clothes (for yourself and your children), gifts, holiday preparations; the list goes on and on. When you have a little more time to prep and shop around (or DIY instead of buying premade!), the savings can be immense. Plus, you can involve your kids in these processes and teach them how to be good stewards of their resources and bless others with their efforts.

This also applies to paying for convenience. I mentioned convenience foods above, but there are hundreds of other ways we pay for convenience when we’re always on the run. Having a little more breathing room in life means you can take care of things yourself that you probably aren’t able to if you’re working 40+ hours a week outside the home.

I think many women would be shocked how much they can cut out of their budget if they simply had more time to take care of things around the house.

Disclaimers and Qualifiers

For those who bristle at this post, let me just be clear that I am not saying a woman is in sin if she both has kids and works a job. I am not saying that putting your children under the care of someone else for some amount of time each week is sin. I am saying that our God-hating culture has a perverted view of the role and duties of parents, and as Christians we should take a long hard look at how our choices line up with the principles presented in scripture.